3 progressive steps to self-love
I truly believe this is vital to fall in love with yourself, regardless of your reason for being the way you are, be it; trauma or heartache, there really is no difference between loving others and loving yourself.
Step One – Get to know yourself – when you get to know yourself, you find yourself. How important is it to get to know someone? Well if you don’t know them how are you ever going to understand them? Not long ago I would lie in my room alone, it use to be the most painful experience for me, I hated being alone period! At the time, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it until I asked myself why, why is it so hard to be alone? Why do I always need company? At first, I thought it was just a preference thing, but in reality, it was much more than that. I was bored with myself, I thought I was completely mundane and unless I was with someone else I couldn’t enjoy things alone. I was completely disconnected from myself, I no longer knew who I was. It didn’t always use to be like this, I use to love alone time, diary time, pamper time, cooking time, exercise etc. But I had forgotten, I forgot my passions, I forgot my hobbies, I forgot about the skills and talents I used to have and how happy they would make me, I forgot how it made me feel about myself; capable, smart, skilled, but somewhere along the way I stopped. I don’t know when it did but sometimes we get so caught up in our ‘love interests’ or get so fixed on a goal that we forget about ourselves, our needs and wants, well whatever it was, it lead to my ‘break up’ with myself. You see just like in a relationship if you don’t nurture it, it won’t grow. So, next time you are on tinder remember to swipe right to yourself. Even if you have to recommit to yourself and forgive yourself for all the neglecting, make a conscious effort to find yourself and find out what you are all about. By doing this you are choosing to love yourself! Pretend like you are getting to know someone for the first time. Find out what you love, what makes you happy, what do you want in life, what are you afraid of and why, then embrace it all, the good, the bad and then own it, put it to your name and hold it with pride! Trust me you are lovable and you are worth getting to know!
Step two – Understanding yourself – Understanding the one you love in a relationship is vital, this is one of the most important things you could do to sustain a relationship. Being able to understand the one you love, validates to them that you know them and allows you to be able to then empathise with them. We too have to know ourselves in order to understand ourselves, in order to know the why behind it all. Why do we do the things we do? Why do we believe some things and not others? Why are we afraid of this or that? Sometimes we make mistakes that’s normal right? Then why is it so flippin easy for us to be so hard on ourselves. If we just stepped away for abit and looked at the situation as if it was not our own, maybe we could free ourselves of so much pain and humiliation. When someone understands you, you feel accepted, you feel complete. When you have those two anchors it’s easier to trust the people you surround yourself with. Therefore how much more will you trust yourself if you truly knew and understood who you were first, what impact would it have on the rest of your life? How mentally strong could you be if you actually understood the why behind the things you did.
Step three – Accepting yourself – I remember the week leading up to my break up I was on the phone to my Aunty, I didn’t know who else to talk to and for whatever reason I wanted to talk to someone who didn’t know the situation that well but what I really was avoiding was the judgement of others, speaking out was so scary because I was so ashamed of how I was feeling. Why was I feeling this way? What is wrong with me? I knew how I felt but I neglected myself so much that I didn’t know enough about where it came from and why I felt that way, not only that but accepting it as the truth and not as another failure of mine. She asked me an interesting question, she asked “Bronia can you tell me, why the ceiling is the ceiling? Obviously, I hesitated and thought it was so pointless but I answered her saying “because it’s the ceiling?” and then she asked me “Bronia, why are you the way you are?” before allowing me to answer she said, “you are the way you are, because that’s the way you are”. In other words, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone, you don’t even need to justify or deny anything to anyone. If it’s a part of you, then own it, by doing that you are choosing the truth, when you choose the truth, you are choosing yourself. This is one of the greatest acts of self-love.
It’s through this process that you can come to connect better with your ‘inner self’. Don’t get me wrong you can always make a connection, but the goal is to keep the connection and If you’ve disconnected, Reconnect! It is when we know ourselves, that we can then, come to understand ourselves, accept ourselves, and then ultimately love ourselves.