It’s taken me over six months to be able to write about this and now I’m finally doing it. I guess you could say that I’m finally getting strong enough to share this.
After everything that had happened to me with the break up of my engagement this year, I got so lost that I didn’t know what to do with myself, I just didn’t know anymore. I knew I was still young and I knew I still had my whole life in front of me but I hated how everything had turned out. It was weird to see the future different, empty and not being able to see anything that was ahead of me. They call this; stages of grieving, yeah whatever hahaha after all I was so set on these plans, changing everything I wanted wasn’t easy.
The day I gave back the ring, I went back home to Rotorua for awhile to clear my head, hoping to find some clarity I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore but instead my soul went quiet and my heart went bitter.
Despite trying, I still failed to find direction in my life, did I make the right choice? I started to doubt everything, if it was the right choice why wasn’t I be happy? Why am I reacting this way? It didn’t make any sense. My mind was being so self critical and my self esteem diminished as the days went on.
Then I got to know myself a little better, the more I wrote, the more truth I discovered about myself. I found things that made my soul sing, things that weren’t just food and boys. I found books, yoga, writing, friends. I found a life I had never lived before. A life without a relationship.